I've been painting like crazy lately. I've rediscovered my connection to music and how it puts me in that space to create. I have always loved music. It was such a huge part of my high school experience. I can remember events in my life based on the music that I was listening to at that time. I'm mostly an alt-rock kind of girl but I will listen to just about anything. I do have some restrictions however....like new country. I do like old country mostly because that is what I grew up on. Hank Williams Sr., Johnny Horton, Jimmy Rogers, and such were played a lot in my childhood home. I do not allow Bruce Springsteen music to be played in my presence. I've always cringed at the sound of his voice and the way he looks and all of that. I'm not all that into the heavy metal bands. Especially of the late 70s/early 80s. I used to hate the hairbands of the 80s but they seem to carry a bit of nostalgia for me now. A few Motley Crue and Ratt songs kind of hold a special place in my heart now. I loved all the synthy-pop stuff from the 80s and all the dance music.
But the one album that I have a deep connection with is "The Wall" by Pink Floyd. I fell in love with the weirdness of that band. I fell in love with the dark places that album took me in my head. I had to own that album! However, the universe seemed to be against me in this case. My first attempt at owning this album was when I was 17. I saved some of my raspberry-picking summer money and my best friend and I got dropped off in town to wander around. Coming from a small town, this was a big deal. We both lived way out in the boonies and a trip into town was a luxury. We walked to the one used-record store in town. It was called Relic's Records and the guy who owned it was pretty cool. He was all hippy-like which was bold in our small, conservative town at that time. He always had good recommendations and seemed to appreciate my tastes in music. I went straight to the Pink Floyd slot and pulled out the used record album. It was white and folded out because it was two records and the inside had all the lyrics to the songs. I was so excited! I paid for my record and "Mr. Relic" slid it into a bag for me and my best friend and I headed out the door. From there we walked all over town which doesn't take all that long. We ended up at the north end of town and went into a fast food restaurant to used the restroom and buy some greasy fries. We walked back toward the south end of town when it occurred to me that I no longer had anything in my hands. I had a hazey moment of panic as I realized I left "The Wall" in the bathroom at the restaurant. We ran back the several blocks we had just walked and into the restaurant bathroom. Of course, "The Wall" was no longer there. Someone got lucky that day and it was not me. I was broken-hearted.
Eventually I did own "The Wall". I played it non-stop all of my senior year. I watched the movie once. That was all I could really handle of that movie. The mood is amazingly real. I puts me in such a dark space.
I have not listened to "The Wall" in quite a long time. Years really. Then last weekend I decided to load it onto my ipod and have a listen while painting. It immediately sucked me in. I dropped into that dark place. I found myself painting darker images. I kept thinking "I'll only paint for a few minutes more" but I kept going and could not turn the music off. Its a very powerful album for me still. By the time the album was over I had finished one painting and had almost finished another. I turned off my ipod cleaned up my space and came inside. I could not shake the funk that album had given me. I laid down on the couch and tried to read. I found myself staring out the window and feeling generally dark. It was silly. I wanted to shake it off and laugh but it was still there. There is no other music that has ever done that for me. "The Wall" is just a brilliant piece of work.
Well, maybe that was not much about art as it was about music. I do like that I can get lost in my music while painting. One of the things I've noticed about my painting lately is that I'm thinking too hard about it. Music lets me escape a bit so that I'm painting a bit more unconsciously, if you will. Not thinking too hard about all the formal elements of creating but simply enjoying the process. I'm finally rediscovering what it means to paint just for myself as opposed to thinking about what other people will see in my work. I'm letting go.
But the one album that I have a deep connection with is "The Wall" by Pink Floyd. I fell in love with the weirdness of that band. I fell in love with the dark places that album took me in my head. I had to own that album! However, the universe seemed to be against me in this case. My first attempt at owning this album was when I was 17. I saved some of my raspberry-picking summer money and my best friend and I got dropped off in town to wander around. Coming from a small town, this was a big deal. We both lived way out in the boonies and a trip into town was a luxury. We walked to the one used-record store in town. It was called Relic's Records and the guy who owned it was pretty cool. He was all hippy-like which was bold in our small, conservative town at that time. He always had good recommendations and seemed to appreciate my tastes in music. I went straight to the Pink Floyd slot and pulled out the used record album. It was white and folded out because it was two records and the inside had all the lyrics to the songs. I was so excited! I paid for my record and "Mr. Relic" slid it into a bag for me and my best friend and I headed out the door. From there we walked all over town which doesn't take all that long. We ended up at the north end of town and went into a fast food restaurant to used the restroom and buy some greasy fries. We walked back toward the south end of town when it occurred to me that I no longer had anything in my hands. I had a hazey moment of panic as I realized I left "The Wall" in the bathroom at the restaurant. We ran back the several blocks we had just walked and into the restaurant bathroom. Of course, "The Wall" was no longer there. Someone got lucky that day and it was not me. I was broken-hearted.
Eventually I did own "The Wall". I played it non-stop all of my senior year. I watched the movie once. That was all I could really handle of that movie. The mood is amazingly real. I puts me in such a dark space.
I have not listened to "The Wall" in quite a long time. Years really. Then last weekend I decided to load it onto my ipod and have a listen while painting. It immediately sucked me in. I dropped into that dark place. I found myself painting darker images. I kept thinking "I'll only paint for a few minutes more" but I kept going and could not turn the music off. Its a very powerful album for me still. By the time the album was over I had finished one painting and had almost finished another. I turned off my ipod cleaned up my space and came inside. I could not shake the funk that album had given me. I laid down on the couch and tried to read. I found myself staring out the window and feeling generally dark. It was silly. I wanted to shake it off and laugh but it was still there. There is no other music that has ever done that for me. "The Wall" is just a brilliant piece of work.
Well, maybe that was not much about art as it was about music. I do like that I can get lost in my music while painting. One of the things I've noticed about my painting lately is that I'm thinking too hard about it. Music lets me escape a bit so that I'm painting a bit more unconsciously, if you will. Not thinking too hard about all the formal elements of creating but simply enjoying the process. I'm finally rediscovering what it means to paint just for myself as opposed to thinking about what other people will see in my work. I'm letting go.
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