Why do I make art?
I don't know.
I've never understood it.
I had a strong feeling of inadequacy when I was a kid and I tried to draw. I tried to color. Two things deterred me:
1. There was a local coloring contest. You had to color this picture of George Washington on a boat or something. I don't remember exactly but it was in the newspaper. So it was on newsprint. Not a great surface to begin with. Then throw in the fact that we were very poor and all I had to color with were a few color pencils. My neighbor, who was a year younger than me, had every color of the rainbow in crayola and did a spectacular job. I was miserable. I knew mine could not compare to the vivid color of crayons. Color pencils on newsprint is not a great combination. I remember tearing the paper at one point while trying so hard to be careful. Then I burst into tears. I can't do this. I'm no artist.
2. When I was in the 4th grade I wanted to be able to draw just like my sister, who was 8 years older than me. For some reason I thought I should be able to draw just as well. When it proved to be harder than I expected I felt completely deflated. I gave up. I thought, there is no way I have that talent. I hated my drawings! No more art for me. I'm no artist.
The only time I attempted creativity after that was somewhat stiltedly and nervously. Only because I had to in school. I knew I was no good. I knew I was no art genius. That damn coloring contest and trying to draw like my sister proved that. I barely tried to make anything worth looking at because why?
Middle school was a pretty ugly period for me. In many ways. But when I hit 7th grade I had to fill up a period so I ended up with art because it fit into my schedule. I dreaded that class. I knew I was terrible. I, honestly, have no idea if it was the first assignment or the tenth but I remember an assignment where we had to draw portraits of our family. So I dug up some photos of my family members and started drawing. I was a bit surprised at how well they turned out but was sure everyone else's would be so much better.
When I got into art class I remember we had to display our artwork. I couldn't believe how many compliments I go on my drawings. Especially from my teacher, Ms. Biebrich. She raved about them. I was so pleased and so amazed. How can this be that someone likes my drawings? At that point I started to believe I might be able to actually draw decently. I started working on it all the time.
I've never given up. Well. Completely anyway. I continued drawing and taking art classes on through high school. Once I graduated I moved to Portland and continued to do my artwork on my own time. I had enrolled in a business school which basically, sucked my soul dry but I continued because I wanted to support myself. I was convinced art was not going to ensure that. In my spare time I did a lot of watercolors and graphite drawings. Mostly of David Bowie, because I loved him.
When I finally realized that business school was the death of me I dropped out and went to work for a dry cleaners. It paid the bills. In my spare time I went to a lot of parties and night clubs. I did a lot of dancing and really got into music. But as far as art went? Well, not too much.
Then I met my future husband who was going to school in Sonoma County, California. He convinced me to move down there after a nine month long distance relationship. I was convinced I couldn't get into a college but he told me other wise. He made me try. So I thought; What do I have to lose? I got into Sonoma State University and immediately knew I wanted to major in Studio Art.
And here I am with a degree in Art. I'm working in Human Resources so I wouldn't say I've been making a living off my art but I do feel fulfilled at this point. I can't imagine my life without art. I'm an artist afterall.
I don't know.
I've never understood it.
I had a strong feeling of inadequacy when I was a kid and I tried to draw. I tried to color. Two things deterred me:
1. There was a local coloring contest. You had to color this picture of George Washington on a boat or something. I don't remember exactly but it was in the newspaper. So it was on newsprint. Not a great surface to begin with. Then throw in the fact that we were very poor and all I had to color with were a few color pencils. My neighbor, who was a year younger than me, had every color of the rainbow in crayola and did a spectacular job. I was miserable. I knew mine could not compare to the vivid color of crayons. Color pencils on newsprint is not a great combination. I remember tearing the paper at one point while trying so hard to be careful. Then I burst into tears. I can't do this. I'm no artist.
2. When I was in the 4th grade I wanted to be able to draw just like my sister, who was 8 years older than me. For some reason I thought I should be able to draw just as well. When it proved to be harder than I expected I felt completely deflated. I gave up. I thought, there is no way I have that talent. I hated my drawings! No more art for me. I'm no artist.
The only time I attempted creativity after that was somewhat stiltedly and nervously. Only because I had to in school. I knew I was no good. I knew I was no art genius. That damn coloring contest and trying to draw like my sister proved that. I barely tried to make anything worth looking at because why?
Middle school was a pretty ugly period for me. In many ways. But when I hit 7th grade I had to fill up a period so I ended up with art because it fit into my schedule. I dreaded that class. I knew I was terrible. I, honestly, have no idea if it was the first assignment or the tenth but I remember an assignment where we had to draw portraits of our family. So I dug up some photos of my family members and started drawing. I was a bit surprised at how well they turned out but was sure everyone else's would be so much better.
When I got into art class I remember we had to display our artwork. I couldn't believe how many compliments I go on my drawings. Especially from my teacher, Ms. Biebrich. She raved about them. I was so pleased and so amazed. How can this be that someone likes my drawings? At that point I started to believe I might be able to actually draw decently. I started working on it all the time.
I've never given up. Well. Completely anyway. I continued drawing and taking art classes on through high school. Once I graduated I moved to Portland and continued to do my artwork on my own time. I had enrolled in a business school which basically, sucked my soul dry but I continued because I wanted to support myself. I was convinced art was not going to ensure that. In my spare time I did a lot of watercolors and graphite drawings. Mostly of David Bowie, because I loved him.
When I finally realized that business school was the death of me I dropped out and went to work for a dry cleaners. It paid the bills. In my spare time I went to a lot of parties and night clubs. I did a lot of dancing and really got into music. But as far as art went? Well, not too much.
Then I met my future husband who was going to school in Sonoma County, California. He convinced me to move down there after a nine month long distance relationship. I was convinced I couldn't get into a college but he told me other wise. He made me try. So I thought; What do I have to lose? I got into Sonoma State University and immediately knew I wanted to major in Studio Art.
And here I am with a degree in Art. I'm working in Human Resources so I wouldn't say I've been making a living off my art but I do feel fulfilled at this point. I can't imagine my life without art. I'm an artist afterall.
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