I don't know why I do art. I sometimes wonder what the point to it all really is. I have often thought about just giving it all up. But every time I have decided to stop I find myself relentlessly craving it. I don't understand this about myself.
Now, I don't think I'm a spectacular artist. I do okay at times. Sometimes I make awful shit. It is what it is. But that does not seem to make a difference in my need to paint, draw, scrape, glue, print etc.. I do hope that I am improving all the time.
But I really feel like art should be meaningful somehow. Just doing it to do it feels empty to me. I think. I sometimes go into the studio feeling untinterested and uninspired and I force myself to work on things. That has more to do with discipline that just doing it to do it. I always end up getting into the process and losing myself completely.
I think that everything I feed into my mind comes out somehow on the canvas, the paper, my journal, the wall sometimes.. What am I feeding on? Pop Culture. Current events and politics. My family and personal struggles.
My craziness.
I do think I might be dealing with some mental weaknesses right now. I don't feel like myself lately.
But that is a story for another blog.
I'm trying hard not to be too personal and all touchy feely here.
But I am going through some serious changes and I can see that struggle showing up in my recent work. It is all crazy. And I think I'm crazy. So now there is my meaningful artwork. But I don't necessarily want people to like my work because they can see my struggle (crazy). I want my work to be able to stand on its own. I'm not sure it can right now. So I have something to work on now. But the problem is I'm not sure I can separate the crazy from my work. This is part of my reason for quitting my day job. My crazy was showing up there and I needed to be gone before it was unpleasant for all involved.
Now, I don't think I'm a spectacular artist. I do okay at times. Sometimes I make awful shit. It is what it is. But that does not seem to make a difference in my need to paint, draw, scrape, glue, print etc.. I do hope that I am improving all the time.
But I really feel like art should be meaningful somehow. Just doing it to do it feels empty to me. I think. I sometimes go into the studio feeling untinterested and uninspired and I force myself to work on things. That has more to do with discipline that just doing it to do it. I always end up getting into the process and losing myself completely.
I think that everything I feed into my mind comes out somehow on the canvas, the paper, my journal, the wall sometimes.. What am I feeding on? Pop Culture. Current events and politics. My family and personal struggles.
My craziness.
I do think I might be dealing with some mental weaknesses right now. I don't feel like myself lately.
But that is a story for another blog.
I'm trying hard not to be too personal and all touchy feely here.
But I am going through some serious changes and I can see that struggle showing up in my recent work. It is all crazy. And I think I'm crazy. So now there is my meaningful artwork. But I don't necessarily want people to like my work because they can see my struggle (crazy). I want my work to be able to stand on its own. I'm not sure it can right now. So I have something to work on now. But the problem is I'm not sure I can separate the crazy from my work. This is part of my reason for quitting my day job. My crazy was showing up there and I needed to be gone before it was unpleasant for all involved.
So here is my latest sketch which does not show my crazy so much. Right now still lifes are the safest subject matter. But I am curious to see where my crazy takes me. I might be buidling on something that will be stronger in the long run.
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