I've been toying with the idea of not painting for awhile. I mean really packing up the paints and brushes and putting them away.
I struggle with making time for all the things in my life. I constantly battle with feelings of guilt for not spending more time with my family. I feel the pressing need to work more at my day job so that we are not so strapped financially. I sometimes wonder about my sanity while painting. I make very strange decisions while in painting mode.
Sometimes I really don't like the painter-me. The painter-me can be so self-absorbed and insensitive. These are not attractive traits in a mother and a wife. And a friend. I wonder how I still have friends sometimes.
So, this is why I consider quitting. Not forever because I don't think that is really possible for me. In fact, what I probably need to do is create a schedule and strictly adhere to it. Schedule all my time carefully and try to be the better me. Ick. I hate schedules.
Its that end of year thinking that has me here. What do I want 2012 look like? I want to be a better person. Less selfishness and more giving to the people I love. Less rushing around trying to fit in all the things I want to do all the time. I need more down time. I need to take better care of myself.
I know I won't quit painting. I can't do it. But I may be more selective in how I approach it. Use my time more wisely. Slow down and appreciate the here and now more.
I struggle with making time for all the things in my life. I constantly battle with feelings of guilt for not spending more time with my family. I feel the pressing need to work more at my day job so that we are not so strapped financially. I sometimes wonder about my sanity while painting. I make very strange decisions while in painting mode.
Sometimes I really don't like the painter-me. The painter-me can be so self-absorbed and insensitive. These are not attractive traits in a mother and a wife. And a friend. I wonder how I still have friends sometimes.
So, this is why I consider quitting. Not forever because I don't think that is really possible for me. In fact, what I probably need to do is create a schedule and strictly adhere to it. Schedule all my time carefully and try to be the better me. Ick. I hate schedules.
Its that end of year thinking that has me here. What do I want 2012 look like? I want to be a better person. Less selfishness and more giving to the people I love. Less rushing around trying to fit in all the things I want to do all the time. I need more down time. I need to take better care of myself.
I know I won't quit painting. I can't do it. But I may be more selective in how I approach it. Use my time more wisely. Slow down and appreciate the here and now more.
Isn't that what its all about anyway?
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